Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
