I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
