She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
