She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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