Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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