Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
