I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So much rum. So many feels.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
