I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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