Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
one might say we're banned from that church
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
