half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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