he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
