Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
