And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
