I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
