Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
