i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
