I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I would ride that face into the sunset
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
