Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
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At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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