You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
