Me too!
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
