Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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