Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
