Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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