Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
