Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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