The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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