im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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