I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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