i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
