had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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