Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
