There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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