She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time to smoke my breakfast
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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