I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Are my feet made of real feet?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
