You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
