Yo dont text me then not text me
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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