Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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