i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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