Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
