I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
