I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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