On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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