I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He passed out mid-signature
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.