just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
