between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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