why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
