my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
