You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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