I love black thongs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
