Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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