I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
