there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
