Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
