Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
