i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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