don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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