Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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