Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
