I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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