So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Soap is not a condiment
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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