Reggie can tackle my bush.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
