shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
