I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
