wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
