ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
don't judge my taste in strippers
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
did you just send me my own nude
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
